Thinking Out Loud

My early experience in counseling was primarily with children. Working with children requires flexibility and creativity, and through studying the work of Clark Moustakas and Virginia Axline, I learned that communication in play takes many forms—words, behavior, symbols, and feelings. And, of course, there is the primacy of the working relationship. This nuanced and textured experience taught me to listen with my whole body and set the stage for further exploration into the world of individual communication styles. Read More

Willie is a story teller. If you ask him a question, even a simple question, you are likely to get a story. It drives Ellen crazy. “Why can’t he just give a simple answer to a simple question?” she says with exasperation. “If he asks me a direct question, I give a direct answer—yes or no.” Read More

Note: The following story comes from my practice and is more about processing style than communication style. The two are aligned and sometimes the separating line is faint and fine: when we process information, after all, we are in communication with ourselves. Read More

“Jeff, wouldn’t it be great to take a trip to Italy to see all that magnificent art?”

“Jamie, you know we can’t afford that. You’re always coming up with these expensive ideas that are way out of line with our budget.”

I’ve heard this conversation in various forms at least five hundred times in the past 30 years. It’s the type that goes nowhere, resulting in bad feelings between the two parties. Read More