Thinking Out Loud

Defining Your Terms

Britta was frustrated with Craig because he worries about a lot of things most of the time, according to Britta. According to Craig he doesn’t worry a lot of the time, a statement that flabbergasted Britta. “Just ask anyone who knows you,” she exclaimed, “ten-to-one they’ll say you are a worrier!” “Sure, I worry sometimes,” Craig replied, “but not ‘a lot of the time.’” Britta looked at me for help. Read More



In short, stonewalling is an attempt to avoid discussing or doing something. We build walls to protect ourselves, and the purpose of stonewalling is to protect. Generally, stonewalling is not intended to hurt the other person but it can and would be when perceived to be disrespectful or contemptuous. Unless you’re dealing with something extreme or dangerous in a relationship, assume good intentions on the part of a “stonewaller,” even if at first that’s hard to accept. Read More

How to Approach the Communication Styles Framework

Do You Know What I Mean?—Discovering Your Personal Communication Style was published one year ago. I’ve enjoyed having contact with many new people as a result of publishing this book and gotten a lot of worthwhile, positive feedback—all of which is gratifying. Read More

Project Happily Ever After

I’ve been following Alisa Bowman’s blog,, for several months. A couple who came to see me at a very low point in their marriage told me about the site. Between our first and second sessions, they “googled” their problem and Project Happily Ever After appeared in the search. After exploring the site, their comment to me went something like this: “She’s writing about exactly what we’re going through.” Read More