Thinking Out Loud

Seven-year-old Willie was having trouble on the playground with Dylan. Every time they played together, they fought, and it had reached the point that just approaching each other resulted in bad feelings and conflict of one sort or another. Their parents tried to encourage them to simply avoid each other. Although this seemed like a straightforward solution because each boy acknowledged not liking the other, it just didn’t work. Their teacher, Ms. Comstyle, tried talking with the boys individually and together without success. The principal even intervened, which did have an effect . . . short term. Needless to say, everyone was frustrated. Read More

Most of us don’t associate communication with Father’s Day.  But fathers do communicate whether or not they use many words.  Do you really talk to your father?  Does your father really talk to you?  Mine mostly talked at me and wanted me to talk more to him, which meant tell him what he wanted to hear. Read More

First, the story: A mother and her five-year-old daughter go to a check-up with the pediatrician, who has an intern with him. The little girl has not been to the doctor’s office for several months and is usually reserved when she is there, deferring to her mother for communication with the doctor. In fact, the girl hardly utters a word. The story ends with the doctor suggesting to the mother that she consult a speech and language pathologist. The mother replies, “I don’t think that’s necessary.” The doctor is quietly disapproving as the appointment moves along and he talks mostly to the intern. He never asks the mother why she thinks the consult is unnecessary. Read More

Frequently, I’ve heard from parents of a child I’m counseling, the child’s rendition of our session.

Parent: How was your session today?

Child: We played checkers. I beat him.

Parent: Did you do anything else?

Child: No.

Parent: Did you tell him about what happened at school yesterday?

Child: No.

I usually anticipate this type of interaction and explain to parents how careful they must be asking their children questions about counseling sessions, inadvertently inserting expectations, and not necessarily taking what’s said (by the child) as the whole story. Read More