Thinking Out Loud

Helping People Get Along Better

In third grade, I helped a kid who always got into trouble. I befriended him and coached him in how to get along with the teacher. I used eye contact, smiles, and directives about what to say and what not to say and told him when to apologize. This was an eight-year-old’s version of helping people get along better. Over the years I’ve gained more sophistication and communication skills but some of my early instincts still apply. Read More

The CS Framework Revisited

The Communication Styles Framework illuminates how you process information and, therefore, interact with others. The seven processing dimensions (or components, as they are called) combine differently for each individual to form a unique communication style. All seven are active ingredients in each individual, but two or three are most easily identified (Core Processing Strengths). Read More

That’s Not What Happened!

Gerard and Lucy were arguing about what happened in an argument they had the previous day. Lucy recalled the sequence of events and the words Gerard used to express his anger. Gerard became indignant and accused her of not telling the truth. “I was sitting in the chair the whole time and you just said that I was huffing and puffing all around the room. That’s just not true.”  “Are you calling me a liar?” Lucy retorted. Read More

The Look on Her Face

Luanne and Trevor have both lived hard lives. Alcoholism, physical abuse and more pervaded their childhoods, forcing them both to be independent before they were ready. Sometimes, readiness is a luxury―you do what you have to do, and it isn’t until many years later, weary, that you can look back in awe at the way things were in your “ordinary” life. That was the case for these two. Read More