Thinking Out Loud

Post Divorce Emotional Bonds

When some years have passed since a divorce and each person has moved on in creating an independent life, certain feelings can linger that cause confusion.  Here are some of the comments I hear from clients in counseling: Read More

Men & Women, Again!

A common perception is that women have a positive association to relationship talk and men don’t—that women feel better connected through relationship talk, whereas men are distressed by it and tend to feel criticized. I think this is another myth perpetuated in the popular culture, based on stereotyping and misunderstanding of individual communication styles. I’ve written about this before and suspect I’ll continue to write about it from time to time because it’s a complex and confusing topic, simply because humans are complex and confusing. No one has quite figured us out yet. So when you put two of us together in an intimate relationship, it’s bound to be . . . confusing. Read More

Revisiting—a critical communication skill

When communication breaks down, you must try to fix it; but when things go badly, it is very difficult to go back and risk the same breakdown. If you revisit the problem at hand, you must be prepared to do something different. Too often, the revisiting is done by restating what you already said, which will likely result in the other party restating what they already said. Then, it’s strike two. Read More

Holding the Other in Trust

For real communication to take place in an intimate friendship or love relationship, there must be trust. Trust is one of those states that we experience—we must be able to trust and the other must demonstrate trustworthiness. So what does it mean “to be able to trust” and to “demonstrate trustworthiness”? Read More