Thinking Out Loud

Defining Your Terms

Britta was frustrated with Craig because he worries about a lot of things most of the time, according to Britta. According to Craig he doesn’t worry a lot of the time, a statement that flabbergasted Britta. “Just ask anyone who knows you,” she exclaimed, “ten-to-one they’ll say you are a worrier!” “Sure, I worry sometimes,” Craig replied, “but not ‘a lot of the time.’” Britta looked at me for help. Read More

Waiting for Change

Many couples in turmoil find themselves waiting for change—more accurately—waiting for the other person to change. This is a dangerous, though understandable tactic. Here are some of the reasons why it occurs:

The Five Percent Rule

In intimate relationships we come to know the other in great detail—how they think, feel, what they believe, their quirks, preferences, etc. Knowing and being known is important to our sense of well being. The familiarity implies security. The relationships of couples demonstrate this like no other. The special bond of living together and observing and absorbing the world of the other allows a unique opportunity—an opportunity to feel, sense, and anticipate the behavior of your loved one. Couples often take pride in being able to finish each other’s sentences, sense when the coffee cup needs refilling. You can observe the tiredness in the eyes, the sadness in the sound of the voice. Their joy is your joy, too. Read More