Thinking Out Loud

Julian is a high energy guy who speaks quickly because he has so many thoughts occurring simultaneously. He is also quick to react emotionally in highly charged situations, no matter whether what is happening is good or bad. In his role as an EMT (emergency medical technician), Julian stays very focused—calm yet intense—and draws on deep knowledge and experience in emergencies. He is admired for his knowledge and ability to respond effectively in very complex situations, and his co-workers learn a lot from Julian, although sometimes feel intimidated by his intensity when he speaks to them. Read More

Change is tricky business, especially when it comes to relationships. First, there’s a challenge involved—acceptance, which is about a sober recognition of the way things really are. Acceptance is not acquiescence, but it is a starting point for “real” change. Without acceptance we tend to watch and wait for the other person to do the changing, and when they don’t it fuels our inclination to blame them . . . and blame, of course, does not encourage collaboration toward solutions or resolution. Read More

Why is interpersonal communication often so confounding, demanding, and just plain hard? From the communication styles perspective that’s easy to answer because when you are accounting for all seven communication components of both individuals there’s a lot going on—words, tone of voice, reasoning, images, feelings, internal awareness, and more. Read More

In third grade, I helped a kid who always got into trouble. I befriended him and coached him in how to get along with the teacher. I used eye contact, smiles, and directives about what to say and what not to say and told him when to apologize. This was an eight-year-old’s version of helping people get along better. Over the years I’ve gained more sophistication and communication skills but some of my early instincts still apply. Read More