Although this may seem overstated, misunderstanding is the norm. I don’t mean that pessimistically. The process of giving and receiving information is complex. We use words as a primary vehicle for communicating ideas, information, and personal experience. Those words are like brush strokes on a canvas, gradually illuminating a picture that has literal elements as well as an essence and mood that are invisible to the eye. Read More
We are constantly asking questions of one another. It’s so natural a part of human interaction, we hardly realize it. We need information to understand, so we ask. But certain kinds of questions elicit better responses than others. I’ve taken to asking people more directly which kinds of questions work best for them. Read More
I’ve always talked a lot. Those who knew me as a young child tell stories about how much I loved to talk. When you’re a cute, curly haired three-year old it can be delightful. My son talked a lot, too, and his daughter probably talks more than both of us combined.
Fortunately, when I was a novice counselor, I was exposed to some master listeners who impressed on me the importance of quieting down. As a counselor you must understand the other person in some depth before you can have much to say. Understanding does not occur by talking a lot, nor does it happen easily or quickly. I’m not advocating that day to day interaction be based on counseling principles. But, I am advocating for more listening. Read More
“Jeff, wouldn’t it be great to take a trip to Italy to see all that magnificent art?”
“Jamie, you know we can’t afford that. You’re always coming up with these expensive ideas that are way out of line with our budget.”
I’ve heard this conversation in various forms at least five hundred times in the past 30 years. It’s the type that goes nowhere, resulting in bad feelings between the two parties. Read More