Thinking Out Loud

What’s the big picture look like, Jonas?

Words, Luanne—what words do we need here?

What do you know about our customer, Jeff, in terms of what really matters to them?

How can we line up the pieces to this to make it hang together, Will?”

Are there some symbols that pop to mind, Sarah?

Jon, what values are we really talking about?

These are natural questions that evolve when the members of a project team understand each other’s individual processing/communication styles. The questions tap into the strengths of each one, taking into account a range of skills in different domains. Words, images, numbers, feelings, client relationship, the big picture, the structure—these “languages” come together as this team develops a project for their customer. Read More

Many couples in turmoil find themselves waiting for change—more accurately—waiting for the other person to change. This is a dangerous, though understandable tactic. Here are some of the reasons why it occurs:

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We all talk to ourselves quite a lot, sometimes out loud but mostly internally. In fact we spend more time talking internally than externally. This is a complicated matter in the relationship we have with ourselves, and it’s worth paying careful attention to the way we do this. Here’s an example of someone we’ll call Will trying to understand his reactions, thoughts, and feelings about jealousy as it involves his girlfriend, June. Read More

Back in November, 2010 a Wall Street Journal article reported on recent research about talkers vs. non-talkers and how the non-talkers control the conversation. This, of course, is counter-intuitive because the conventional wisdom would say that talkers are in control. The thesis is that when the non-talker is done listening, the conversation is over. So often we want to simplify interpersonal communication by making people a this or a that, in this case talkers and non-talkers. (The article does, however, keep men and women out of the usual pigeon-holes.) Read More